Not thinking about COVID
Last week, I really didn't want to think about COVID. There was no newsletter because I was just feeling down and frustrated. All the news about the start of the winter waves and about the spike in respiratory infections and about increasing hospital admissions for respiratory infections of all kinds was just grinding me down. Trying to parse out what's going on there.
It made me tired and sad. I try not to write newsletters when I'm tired and sad. I try to write newsletters when I'm angry, because angry has analysis. Angry drives action. I feel like angry sometimes helps build this community and all think together. Tired and sad, though, just makes everyone else tired and sad too.
It finally dawned on me I could write about the tired and sadness itself, and the things I’ve learned from it. (1)
I can also write about how to keep making good choices when you're also just really tired and sad and done thinking about your choices. And
I think the answer is about routines and habits. In addition to my global health work, I'm a trained executive coach. In my coaching training, I learned that the most miserable, uncomfortable time for a person is when they're trying to make a decision. That place of indecision is very unpleasant. Once we've made a decision, even if it's a wrong decision, we feel happy. We feel content because the decision is made. Often we think we made a good decision because we happy after making it, but really we just feel happy because we left that space of indecisiveness.
In response to that, I've tried to build myself a life where the default decisions are the good ones. Set myself up for success. If I can do it for my actual kids, I can do it for me. So I treat my own life like I'm a difficult three year old that needs good routines and lots of love and entertainment. Showing indecisiveness in front of a three year old is suicide. They want a system, and a hug, and plenty of snacks.
What that looks like in my life is a few different things. For one, I just always wear a mask when I'm indoors. I don't try to analyze crowd size or density. I don’t consider airflow or potential filtration. If I'm inside I have a mask on.
Same with air travel. If I'm on a plane, I have a mask on. However, I take my mask off to eat my meals, and I eat at the same time as everyone else. I was trying to eat my meals out of sync with other people, but I also get air sick and let me tell you, you have to take your mask off to vomit. Eating my meals at a regular time and not letting myself get hungry is important to keep me from getting sick. So I just eat my meals at the same time as anyone else. I've accepted that risk. It's not a decision point. It's just the thing I do.
My mask stays on in airports, though. It doesn't matter if I'm in a deserted section of the airport. It doesn't matter if I think the airflow is good. An airport is an indoor space so my mask stays on. Full stop.
I try to eliminate all decision making in the moment so I just always know what I'm going to do - because it's not a decision. It’s a habit.
That means that even when I'm tired and sad and I don't want to think about COVID I'm still taking good protective measures. I'm not making judgment calls, because it's hard to make good judgment calls when you're tired and sad. But my autopilot is well trained. It will keep me safe. (2) And I almost never have to make a decision about about COVID protection when I don't want to be thinking about COVID, because I took all the thinking out of it.
Now that I have my energy back I'm finally ready to start taking on COVID analysis and topics again. I will actually have another post up tomorrow, (3) which I'm kind of excited about. Five technologies that we could be using to fight COVID. And not just COVID but honestly all sorts of airborne illnesses. It's exciting because this is tech that we could invest in and have it ready to go in a very short period. I mean, we're not going to do it, and that's frustrating. But it's a clear demand that we can make with our policymakers. Something useful to get angry about.
Stay safe out there, and thanks for sticking with me.
(1) To be clear, the fact that I learned something does not make it worth it
(2) Because I am not a Tesla
(3) Making up for last week!